Fantasist

Unlike Just like the years past, 2011 2012 imposes specific, concrete, crucial, life-altering goals. I’m never good with make-or-break situations: just as pressure builds up, my resolve inexplicably crumbles, then I flatline. That’s why I don’t join competitions, especially the on-the-spot or impromptu kinds.

But I guess, at some point, we all find ourselves at a crossroads and are left with no choice but to negotiate one path and make it our destiny. So here’s the get-go:

1. Graduate from UP Law in April
2. Take and pass the 2011 Bar Exams in September November
3. Go on a European Backpacking Expedition or Southeast Asia in November or December middle of 2012
4. Sign the Roll within the first quarter
5. Get a new job within the first quarter
6. Read 100 books by end-December
7. Get a new, better job

To graduate, I need to finish my SLR, hurdle OLA, and pass what remains of my academic course work. I’ve just started working on my SLR so I am desperately praying for some divine intervention or celestial inspiration, whichever comes first. And I really hope it comes. Soon.

I haven’t yet done or attended any review classes for the Bar, but I hope to start gathering materials this January. I will have to ask someone for a list of relevant and essential books so I can have them photocopied already. And when April comes, all daydreams and phantasies must stop. If possible. Attend the San Sebastian review classes as religiously as I should.

Europe will depend on what it takes to get that visa that will allow me to board the train that will take me from one Scandinavian territory to another. My sister in Scotland should be able to help me with this. But if not, India seems like a good backup plan. A friend once told me that, to a true traveler and sophisticated soul, visits to China and India are a must. These two places complete the wanderlust in us. I don’t know why exactly, but I believe her. I’ve been to Shanghai and Beijing. So New Delhi or Calcutta might just be it.

Third Degree

They say the past seven months was pure torture. Yes, it was a very difficult time. It was not because we had to read and read and read. I think it was because we had to read things that not only were difficult to understand but also things we didn’t really want, even cared, to understand. And we had to do it all by ourselves.

For me though it was only after last Sunday that I started seeing torture in the picture. All we can do now is wait for the results. We’re done with our part. It’s out of our hands. There is nothing more we can do.

Now that for me is torture.

Hollow Man

So one day Wonder Woman was getting a tan on the roof of the Justice League Building, her legs widely spread apart. Superman on galaxy patrol saw her and said: “Whoa, I gotta have that pussy!” But they broke up just that morning and Wonder Woman was his bitch no more. So he had to execute his plan without her knowing it. He thought: “Hmm, I fly with a speed of a bullet, so maybe I’ll zoom down on her, do it really fast, and she won’t notice I just did her.” And that’s exactly what the horny flying saucer did. But it took Wonder Woman mere nanoseconds to notice what Superman did: “What was that!?!” The Invisible Man yelped: “I don’t know but my arse hurts like hell!!!”

And just like that…

…it’s September.

Ex Factor

Nang mawala ka sa akin, ikaw at ako’y nawalan:
ako dahil ikaw ang minahal ko ng lubusan
at ikaw dahil ako ang sa iyo’y lubusang nagmahal.
Ngunit sa dalawa ay ikaw ang higit na nawalan:
dahil puwede kong mahalin ang iba tulad nang pagmamahal ko sa iyo
ngunit ika’y di mamahalin tulad nang kung paano kita minahal.

*Filipino translation of some lines from Epigramas by Nicaraguan poet Ernesto Cardenal. Filched from Berso sa Metro, LRT 2.

Loose change

I practically had to sell my soul to the Leviathan just so I could have a break from work. They gave me seven months, for which they are getting two years of return service from me. They had me for a [bubble-gum-pop] song.

Wish I had a lot of money so I could buy my freedom back. I hate being poor. Then I hear how some people spend money like it’s nothing.

Florida billionaire William Koch, for example, bought the only authenticated photograph of infamous Wild West gunslinger Billy the Kid for $2.3 million. The metallic photo, taken in late 1879 or early 1880, depicts the outlaw gripping the upright barrel of a Winchester carbine, with a Colt 45 pistol strapped to his hip. Koch, who loves the old West, says he forked over a “tiny” fraction of his millions to “just enjoy” the tintype piece.

Meanwhile, Marilyn Monroe‘s iconic “subway dress” from the 1955 movie “The Seven Year Itch,” fetched a record-breaking $5.52 million at an auction last June. According to Auctioneer Profiles in History, the previous costume sales record was held by Audrey Hepburn‘s celebrated little black dress from the 1961 film “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” which sold for $923,187.

I’ve been hanging with rich kids the three months past. One’s a princess whose idea of stress relief is a weekend getaway in Hong Kong. The other’s a heartthrob whose family friends include law school deans, law firm associates, and trial court judges. You get the picture.

But these are also smart, nice, funny, hardworking, down-to-earth kids. Bleeding hearts too—they’re the first to offer help when you ask for it. Or even when you don’t. They’re not at all obnoxious and stuck-up.

And they make me see a tiny shred of dignity in my poverty.

“Nag-toothbrush ka na, ‘Beh?”

Kanina sa FX, katabi ko sa gitnang upuan ang isang binata. Batay sa kanyang suot na uniporme—green na pantalon at puting polo—mukhang sa FEU nag-aaral. Pagkaupo pa lang, inabot na agad ang kanyang pamasahe sa driver, kinuha ang cellphone, at may tinawagan:

“Babes, andito na ako sa FX. Kasasakay ko lang. Nasa gitna ako nakaupo.

“May kasasakay din lang sa unahan, pero dalawa pa ang kulang sa likod.

“Ayun, kumpleto na kami.

“Umaandar na ang FX, babes. Papaalis na kami.

“Papalabas na kami ng parking lot.

“Nasa tapat na kami ng SM Main.

“Lumiliko na kami sa EDSA.

“Babes, nasa tapat kami ng billboard ni KC.

“Ma-traffic, babes, napapagitnaan kami ng dalawang bus. Tapos may nakatutok pa sa aming Honda Civic.

“Kumanan kami sa Quezon Avenue. May ginagawang bagong building sa kanto.

“Nadaanan namin yung Hi-Top.

“Nakatigil kami ngayon sa tapat ng Crossings.

“Malapit na kami sa Delta.

“Grabe ang traffic dito sa Araneta, babes, sinisimulan na kasing gawin yung underpass. Naghuhukay na sila.

“Dumaan kami sa Total. Nagpa-gasolina si Manong.

“Ano yun, babes? Dumating na ang service mo?

“Ilang minuto bago kita tawagan ulit?

“Five minutes? Ten?

“Around 20? Tagal naman nun, babes.

“Sige, babes, pero hawakan mo lang phone mo, ha?

“Hawakan mo lang phone mo, para marinig mo agad ang tawag ko.

“Sabi ko hawakan mo lang phone mo, huwag mong ilalagay sa bag mo.

“Hawakan mo lang phone mo. Hawa—.”

Tiningnan nang binata ang kanyang telepono. Wala na ang kanyang kausap sa kabilang linya. Tahimik sa loob ng FX. Eksaktong pagkalipas ng 20 minuto, kinuha muli ng binata ang kanyang cellphone at tumawag:

“Babes, nasa service ka na?

“Talaga, nasa Guadalupe na kayo.

“Kami nasa harap na ng UST. As usual, medyo traffic.

“Kakaliwa na kami sa Morayta.

“Andito na kami sa FEU, babes. Pababa na ako.”

Naniniwala ako na isa sa pinakamahalagang bahagi nang maayos na pagmamahalan ay ang pagkakaroon ng tapat at bukas na komunikasyon. Dapat laging nag-uusap upang maiwasan ang hindi pagkakaunawaan.  Hindi maganda ang naglilihim sa isa’t isa.

Kaya ayokong maghusga pero sa tingin ko, kung si boypren ay masyado nang madetalye sa lagay ng trapiko sa kalsada, dapat na sigurong mag-isip si girlpren. Saan ba hahantong ang kanilang relasyon? Gusto nga ba talaga syang pakasalan ni boypren? O gusto lamang siyang pagpraktisan ni boypren sa pangarap nito na maging MMDA Traffic Angel?

At hindi ko pa rin hinuhusgahan ang sinuman pero ito marahil ang tamang tanong: Talaga nga kayang may kausap si Kuya kanina?

Fighting molds

They’re vicious. You don’t give them one minute the right to be let alone, or they’ll take over your entire wall. And before you know it, your house.

Understand that they like it moist, damp, and wet. They love the cold weather. They inhabit muggy surfaces, e.g. kitchen and bathroom tiles, although I think I might have found some of them in my plastic dish cabinet. So they are especially difficult to deal with during rainy days.

Muriatic acid may kill them off instantly. But it doesn’t prevent them from going back. Give or take three days, you can expect to see them rising up in arms again, as determined as ever to displace you from your bathroom.

To be rid of them, you will need vinegar and baking soda. Sprinkle a generous amount of baking soda on vinegar-soaked sponge. Wipe infested surface with the same sponge. Allow the combined powers of vinegar and baking soda to work their magic for a few hours. Then scrub infested surface with clean water.

Vinegar leaves foul odor, and baking soda is supposed to temper it somewhat, but you have two options to eliminate it completely. You can either light a scented candle or unwrap one of those toilet deodorants.

Now re-claim your space.

Calloused

By the time I looked up, the two men had already jumped off the jeep. But I remember one wearing black sando and torn jeans, the other orange hooded sweatshirts and board shorts. They were being chased by an angry indictment: “Mga mandurukot! Hindi na nahiya! Mga mandurukot!”

There was an eruption of violent, furious, shocked voices when I took off my earphones:

“Naku, sa suot pa lang, naghinala na kaagad ako sa dalawang iyon!”

“Makikita mo naman sa mukha at ayos, parang labas-pasok sa kulungan!”

“Hindi mo ba napansin kanina pa kita tinititigan?”

“Kaya pala ang likot noong nasa kaliwa ko. Akala ko kumukuha lang ng pamasahe sa bulsa nya.”

“Ay naku, kung ako yun, sampal at sipa ang inabot nila sa akin!”

“Bubugbugin ko ang mga hayop na iyon!”

“May dala ako ditong tubo, nagamit sana!”

“Gusto ko nang sabihin na dinudukutan ka kaya lang baka may panaksak!”

“Oo nga, nakakatakot, baka manaksak!”

“Syempre handang pumatay ang mga iyon!”

“Pero noong makita ko na wala namang hawak, naku, talagang hindi ko na napigilan na sumigaw!”

“O, tingnan mo, takot din ang mga walanghiya! Ang bilis bumaba!”

“Pero uy hindi ko naisip na kasama nya pala yung nasa kanan mo!”

“Ako rin, pero sinisiksik nya rin ako, kaya siguro hindi ko nahalata yung ginagawa nung kasama nya.”

“Nakakatakot ano? Hindi mo alam napapagitnaan ka na pala ng mga magnanakaw!”

“Dapat sa mga iyon binubugbog para matuto!”

“At ikulong, tapos huwang nang palabasin! Habambuhay na sila sa loob! Mga salot naman sila eh!”

“Samahan nila si Ivler, sabay sabay na silang mabulok sa loob!”

“Gwapo batang yun, hihi.”

“Sus, mamamatay tao naman! Adik adik pa!”

“Oo nga, sayang, hihi.”

“Anong sayang dun?”

“Ay, hihi, dapat sa kanila i-silya elektrika para hindi na makapagnakaw at makapatay ulit.”

Blissfully oblivious to this cacophony, about fifteen meters from the jeep, were the thugs walking ever so casually on the sidewalk. They even stopped by the curve for a cigarette. And, before disappearing completely, the one in orange sweatshirts had the audacity to give us a good once-over—aware and confident that we were all too cowardly to make good of our venomous threats.

That look, I thought, was the biggest insult on each and every one inside that jeep. What the thug was telling us was that they could do us harm any time, any where, any how they want to and we would do nothing about it.

He was so right. I looked out the streets for policemen. It was seven in the morning and there was no law enforcer on patrol. Little wonder, thugs these days, they don’t need anymore the cover of darkness.

Fantasist

Unlike the years past, 2011 imposes specific, concrete, crucial, life-altering goals. I’m never good with make-or-break situations: just as pressure builds up, my resolve inexplicably crumbles, then I flatline. That’s why I don’t join competitions, especially the on-the-spot or impromptu kinds.

But I guess, at some point, we all find ourselves at a crossroads and are left with no choice but to negotiate one path and make it our destiny. So here’s the get-go:

1. Graduate from UP Law in April
2. Take and pass the 2011 Bar Exams in September November
3. Go on a European Backpacking Expedition in November or December

To graduate, I need to finish my SLR, hurdle OLA, and pass what remains of my academic course work. I’ve just started working on my SLR so I am desperately praying for some divine intervention or celestial inspiration, whichever comes first. And I really hope it comes. Soon.

I haven’t yet done or attended any review classes for the Bar, but I hope to start gathering materials this January. I will have to ask someone for a list of relevant and essential books so I can have them photocopied already. And when April comes, all daydreams and phantasies must stop. If possible. Attend the San Sebastian review classes as religiously as I should.

Europe will depend on what it takes to get that visa that will allow me to board the train that will take me from one Scandinavian territory to another. My sister in Scotland should be able to help me with this. But if not, India seems like a good backup plan. A friend once told me that, to a true traveler and sophisticated soul, visits to China and India are a must. These two places complete the wanderlust in us. I don’t know why exactly, but I believe her. I’ve been to Shanghai and Beijing. So New Delhi or Calcutta might just be it.