Cowed

Let’s say the High Council of Humans anointed the Cow to be Great Chief of the Animal Kingdom. As overlord, he had the power to make laws and to punish those who broke them. He also had power to settle issues and controversies between his constituents.

Now the Animal Kingdom was vast, vast beyond imagination—leagues upon leagues of lands, skies, and oceans; gazillions of subjects classified into billions of known and unknown families. To help the Great Cow see to the law and order in the Kingdom, the High Council of Humans invoked an ancient edict allowing the Chief Animal to appoint his own Deputy Chief Animals.

So the Great Cow named the Eagle to lead among Sky Animals, the Shark among Sea Animals, and the Lion among Land Animals. As deputies, the Eagle, the Shark, and the Lion were to observe two limitations to their power. One, their authority extended only to their respective domains. And two, they were subject to the jurisdiction of the Great Cow who could exercise power over any and all of them.

One day, a wounded pelican dropped from the sky, gasping for its last breath. The bird landed on the same ground at the same time the Lion was on patrol. The Lion, without so much as a blink, snatched the pelican and stuffed its feathery meat into his cavernous mouth.

When the Eagle heard about the feather-snuffing crime, he accused the Lion of violating the Boundary of Powers Covenant. The Lion, summoned before the Office of the Great Cow, admitted to committing the act in question, apologized, and offered to resign as Deputy Chief of Land Animals.

Upon hearing the issue, the Great Cow turned to his left, turned to his right, looked up, bowed down, faced his toadies, and mooed his Resolution: He would endorse the Lion’s offer of resignation to the High Council of Humans.

This confused all animals across the Kingdom. What for the endorsement? The issue between the Lion and the Eagle was a gaping threat to the peace between Land and Sky animals. Why could not the Great Cow, once and for all, right there and then, resolve the rift between the two territories well within his jurisdiction? Why the need to involve the Humans? What was the Great Cow the Chief of the Animal Kingdom for?

Stupid Cow.